Ode to Dads, Even If It’s a Strained Relationship

For some of us, Father’s Day is a more difficult day. It’s hard to believe my Dad passed away from colon cancer 14 years ago.

For so many years our relationship was strained, as my parents divorced after 37 years of marriage. He intimidated me because he was sometimes verbally and even physically abusive growing up.

My parents divorced in 1997, Dad remarried in 1998, and he was diagnosed with colon cancer in 1999. He fought hard for five years until he lost his battle to cancer in 2004.

Dad and I visiting a few weeks before he passed away with colon cancer in August 2004.

The Lord helped heal our relationship. I know my Dad loved me the best way he knew how. Was he the perfect Dad? Absolutely not. Did I disrespect him sometimes? I’m embarrassed to say I did, and I regret that.

One Sunday I was listening to a sermon on the Ten Commandments. I never before realized that the “Honor your father and mother” commandment is the ONLY one tied to a promise.

–“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” –Exodus 20:12 NIV

Notice it doesn’t say “Honor your father and mother” if he is always kind to you, affirms you, is/was the model Dad. My heart was transformed after hearing that sermon.

I’m thankful for those five years the Lord extended Dad’s life for me to forgive him and for us to renew our relationship. I looked at my Dad with a lens of honor, reverence and respect.

I began thanking him for all the blessings he brought to my life, instead of comparing him with my friends’ sweet Dads who took them out on Daddy/Daughter dates growing up. Dads who they wanted to marry men just like. Dads who walked them down the aisle.

Friend, I don’t know what your earthly relationship may be with your Dad. I encourage you to dig down deep and send or give him a card with some of the ways you are thankful for your Dad. If he is in heaven, you can write them in your journal.

If your Dad was abusive to you, or abandoned you, or was a deadbeat Dad, understandable boundaries are there. Or if  you may not know where or who your earthly Dad is, heart also aches with you. I wish I was there to hug you and cry with you. Please remember we all have our Heavenly Father, Abba, Daddy, with us. He will NEVER leave us, nor forsake us.

Although Dad’s in heaven, here are just a few of my lessons he taught me for which I am thankful:

1. Thank you, Dad, for teaching me how to check the oil dipstick in my old car, so that I never messed up my engine or blew my transmission. That little Ford Escort hatchback car I drove in high school burnt a quart of oil every 200 or so miles. Smile. I loved that car and am grateful that I had it.
2. Thank you, Dad, for providing for my needs and many of my wants. We were blessed with a house, plenty of food to eat, clothes and shoes. You even paid for my out-of-state college education. It was such a gift not to have to pay back college loans.
3. Thank you, Dad, for teaching me to appreciate the outdoors and fishing. You even taught me to cast a fishing rod and how to bait my own hooks. I wasn’t squeamish about the worms and minnows MOST of the time.
4. Thank you, Dad, for taking us to church most times the door was open. Your dedication to the Lord and His Word helped mold my faith.
5. Thank you, Dad, for teaching me how to budget my money and spend wisely. I remember how you paid bills promptly and taught me how to abhor debt. I still to this day try to avoid debt, except for my mortgages.
6. Thank you, Dad, for teaching me a strong work ethic. You worked hard at Delta Air Lines for 33 years before you retired. You liked to finish tasks you started and showed me follow through and doing what you said you would do.
7. Thank you, Dad, for showing me to volunteer in the community and help others behind-the-scenes. You used to mow and weed eat the end of our street where no one would mow. You also mowed around the Turkey Creek bridge in Hanahan where you would walk daily. You thought no one knew. We knew and appreciated your quiet good deeds.
8. Thank you, Dad, for trying to come to many of my basketball and volleyball games. Your presence was such a present.

Dad, I pray you can see from heaven I’m trying to carry on the Jordan legacy. Rest assured that I love my Heavenly Daddy–my Abba–with my whole soul. Thank you for loving me, Dad, the best way you knew how. Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

Dad, me, Mom, and brother Jamie at my college graduation in 1994.

Reflect:

–What are some ways you are thankful for your earthly father?  Please comment. I’d love to hear your stories, positive or negative.

Renew:

–“ Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony…” –Revelation 12:10-11

–“Listen to your father, who gave you life…” –Proverbs 23:22a NIV

–“The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. May your father and mother be glad…” –Proverbs 23:24-25a NIV

Recharge:

–What is something you can do today or this week to honor your Dad?

–If your relationship with your father is strained, please prayerfully consider reaching out and forgiving him WITH boundaries. I reached out years ago. It wasn’t easy. I’m so thankful we reconciled before he passed away. God is faithful.