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The Simple Lifestyle Changes That Healed My Mind and Body

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“If you don’t give your mind and body a break, you’ll break. Stop pushing yourself through pain and exhaustion and take care of your needs.” ~Lori Deschene 

When I collapsed that evening while fishing, I was fortunate not to land head-first into the water.

It was April 2018, a few weeks before my fiftieth birthday, and after work, I decided to walk to the local pond and spend the remaining hours of light fishing.

After a short time, though, I started to feel hot, a little lightheaded, and dizzy, and then the lights went out. I only blacked out for …

How to Make Shame Your Ally

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“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown

I was walking to my office one day when one of my colleagues gave me a compliment about what I was wearing. I was a little surprised and, without thinking, said something disparaging about my dress and darted off into my office.

As I sat down, I noticed an intense wave of discomfort all over my body, and dark churning thoughts started attacking me.

What is wrong with me? I asked myself. Why did I say such a …

Why I’m Now Welcoming My Anxiety with Open Arms

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“You are not your feelings. You just experience them. Anger, sadness, hate, depression, fear. This is the rain you walk in. But you don’t become the rain. You know the rain will pass. You walk on. And you remember the soft glow of the sun that will come again.” ~Matt Haig

I have been anxious for as long as I can remember.

All of my earliest memories are ones where I was worrying or fearful for one reason or another.

Thinking back, the first memory I have that is akin to that of an actual anxiety disorder, meaning that the …

How to Feel More in Control in Life in Four Steps

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“You may not be able to control every situation and its outcome, but you can control how you deal with it.” ~Unknown

Life is often crazy and rushed. Sometimes it’s difficult to feel a sense of control. It can be utterly chaotic and leave us feeling lost.

This is exactly where I was two years ago. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I felt hopeless, directionless, and completely lost pretty much every day.

I didn’t feel like I had a grip on anything in my life, including my thoughts, emotions, and actions.

I had …

The Unseen Stories and Hidden Beauty We All Carry

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“The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.” ~Audrey Hepburn

I was home for the summer on break from graduate school. As I walked into my childhood room, suitcase and duffle in hand, I noticed a small brown box on my bed. I placed my bags on the floor.

The box had a few simple items in it and was labeled “Mudder.” …

Join the Writers Rising Retreat – with Anne Lamott, Cheryl Strayed & others!

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If you’re a fellow or aspiring writer, today’s post is for you!

The people behind the Writer’s Room have organized a pretty amazing retreat that you won’t want to miss.

Writers Rising 2024 , running from October 25th through 27th, is sure to be an unforgettable experience that will ignite your creativity, nourish your spirit, and deepen your connection to yourself and others.

I do what I do for all these reasons, and because I believe that writing heals. It helps us process our emotions, identify lessons from our experiences, and feel a greater sense of clarity and control in …

How to Be Brave and Speak up Early in the Conversation

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“Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.” ~Winston S. Churchill

In a recent episode involving a field trip my daughter is taking, I found myself at a crossroads, grappling with the fear of expressing concerns early in a conversation. As a parent, I highly value my children’s growth but struggle with the balance of asserting my needs without risking relationships.

The plans felt, on first reading, overly ambitious, so I wanted more information and I wanted to be able to express myself and feel heard. I highly value situations where my kids have opportunities to overcome challenges and build …

The Gift of Self-Acceptance: Goodbye Filters, Hello Authentic Self

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“Beauty doesn’t come from physical perfection. It comes from the light in our eyes, the spark in our hearts, and the radiance we exude when we’re comfortable enough in our skin to focus less on how we look and more on how we love.” ~Lori Deschene

Swiping though the various filters available, I saw my face go from mine to someone else’s—to someone with better skin, bigger eyes… Oooh look, I think this one makes my face look slimmer. Hello, cheekbones!

As someone who hated having her picture taken and was utterly convinced that she looked beyond awful in …

How to Stop Prioritizing Everyone and Everything Else at Your Own Expense

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“Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is actually a trauma response. When you do this you’re disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable for others to feel comfortable. You have control now. You run your life. Take up space and use your voice.” ~Dj Love Light

I read the text from my stepmother inviting everyone to the holiday dinner at her house, and my stomach began to churn. I did not want to attend, but I was instantly flooded with guilt at the thought of saying no.

“How to kindly decline an invite” I typed and hit …

Rethinking Productivity: Less Hustle, More Harmony, More Energy

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“The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.” ~Lao Tzu

I can hear the voices now:

“You should be disappointed in yourself” (for not taking the SATs in seventh grade).

“Don’t be lazy like [fill in a not-so-studious sibling/cousin]!”

“You need to work harder or else you’ll fall behind.”

“Always be analyzing, analyzing, analyzing!”

“We need to improve our operational efficiency or ELSE.” Or else what?

My mind became a boiling stew of negative self-talk, heavy thoughts, and beliefs that didn’t serve me. Throughout my entire life, from an immigrant Asian family to corporate leaders fixated on

…

If You Haven’t Found Your Purpose: How to Feel Good Anyway

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“The person who lives life fully, glowing with life’s energy, is the person who lives a successful life.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

We’ve all heard the phrase “find your life purpose.” It gets thrown around so much nowadays. Many of us have been in what feels like an eternal quest to find it, especially if we’ve been feeling stuck, lost, and out of alignment. Finding our purpose then becomes an almost obsessive search for the solution that will solve all our problems.

We’ve been led to believe that a life purpose is a single thing, a calling that we’ll be passionate about…

How to Start Saying No When You’re Afraid of Disapproval

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“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.” ~Robert Tew

When I say that my need for people to like me has been one of the hidden rulers of my life, I’m not kidding!

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted everyone to like me, and I had significant anxiety if they didn’t. My fear of the disapproval of others quietly lurked beneath the surface like a shadow under my skin, dictating my behavior and my mood.

I was so afraid of the disapproval of others that I would ruminate over …

How I Found the Good Within the Difficult

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“Inner strengths are the supplies you’ve got in your pack as you make your way down the twisting and often hard road of life.” ~Rick Hanson

“I had a rough day. Can we talk?” I asked my husband in 2015 after coming home from work. He nodded, and we sat down on the couch.

I continued: “I got really challenging performance feedback from my manager today. It was hard to hear because I know it’s true.”

It was the most significant critical feedback I had received at once. All afternoon, I’d ruminated on the conversation. I had sat in the …

How to Wake Up from the Painful Trance of Unworthiness

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“When we experience our lives through this lens of personal insufficiency, we are imprisoned in what I call the trance of unworthiness. Trapped in this trance, we are unable to perceive the truth of who we really are.” ~Tara Brach

Breaking free from the trance of unworthiness is a key part of our evolution process, both at an individual and collective level.

Let me explain why.

What I observe with clients and what resonates with my own experiences is that most (if not all) triggers, limitations we impose on ourselves, and fears of failure or success stem from a deep …

4 Tips for Failing Better in Your Spiritual Practice

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“Ever tried, ever failed, no matter. Try again, fail again, fail better.” ~Samuel Beckett

I felt an enormous sense of relief when I discovered that he was a total mess! I’m talking about one of the most revered Buddhist monks of our time. I learned this from a short autobiography, A Mountain in Tibet: A Monk’s Journey. It was written by the current abbot of the Kagyu Samye Ling Tibetan Buddhist monastery in Scotland (UK), Yeshe Losal Riponche.

Having escaped from his war-torn home country (Tibet) and after much other trauma, he found himself in the West, entirely immersed …

4 Practical Techniques to Heal from Childhood Trauma

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“It is important for people to know that no matter what lies in their past, they can overcome the dark side and press on to a brighter world.” ~Dave Pelzer, A Child Called “It”

I grew up in the shadow of my pathologically narcissistic father. From a very young age, my role in the family was that of the scapegoat, a role that poisoned my entire childhood. I lived in a constant state of fear, shame, and self-doubt, always trying to please my father and earn his love and approval.

But as I grew older and began to understand …

How I Found Purpose When I Lost It at Work

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“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” ~Fyodor Dostoyevsky

When I was in my last semester of college in 2016, I got my first paid job working in libraries as a children’s library assistant. I can remember the passion and sense of purpose I initially felt when taking this job. The idea that, every day, I’d be helping foster a love of reading in kids felt like a worthwhile career.

Reading supports cognitive development in children. It enhances language skills and improves concentration. It encourages

…

20 Self-Care Quotes to Keep You Mentally and Emotionally Strong

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It’s a new week, and that can bring with it a sense of excitement and possibility or a sense of dread about your overwhelming responsibilities. Sometimes for me it’s both.

And not just because I have a lot to do, but also because, like most of us, I have a lot going in my head and my heart at any given time. And it’s not always easy to be a feeling human in a busy world that won’t slow down when it all seems like too much. Which means sometimes we need to stop instead.

Stop pushing ourselves. Stop ignoring …

Tiny Buddha’s Self-Care Course: Buy One, Give One Sale!

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As we get older, we tend to get clearer on what matters most to us in life. For me, it’s self-care and relationships. If you share my top values, you’re in luck, because today’s special offer honors both of those things!

In my experience, self-care and relationships have been deeply intertwined—because I’ve found that deep-level self-care reinforces my worth, which enables me to attract and hold onto healthy relationships. Which then inspires me to continue taking good care of myself so I can give the best of myself to the people I love (without losing myself in the process).

This …

8 Ways Life Improves When You Value and Prioritize Yourself

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“Every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, ‘This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!’ And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart, and say, ‘No. This is what’s important.’” ~Iain Thomas

As someone who believes in the healing power of self-care, I absolutely love this quote. But I didn’t always believe it was true. And it didn’t feel good to do it.

My heart was too tender to be touched for long. And …