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Name: Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't: Cloud, Henry, Townsend, John: 8601404614361: Amazon.com: Books
Price: 9.99 USD
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Rating: 4.6 (3227 reviews)

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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't Paperback – November 1, 1996

by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author)

4.6 3,227 ratings

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Too many of us have invested ourselves into relationships that left us deeply wounded. We've been abandoned or taken advantage of, and left with little to show for what we've given. We've lost our sense of security and personal value in the process. And what's worse, we tend to either repeat the same mistakes of judgment over and over . . . Or else lock the doors of our hearts entirely and throw away the key. Why do we choose the wrong people to get involved with? Is it possible to change? And if so, where does one begin? Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer solid guidance for making safe choices in relationships, from friendships to romance. They help identify the nurturing people we all need in our lives, as well as ones we need to learn to avoid. Safe People will help you to recognize 20 traits of relationally untrustworthy people. Discover what makes some people relationally safe, and how to avoid unhealthy entanglements. You'll learn about things within yourself that jeopardize your relational security. And you'll find out what to do and what not to do to develop a balanced, healthy approach to relationships.

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From the Back Cover

Too many of us have invested ourselves into relationships that left us deeply wounded. We've been abandoned or taken advantage of, and left with little to show for what we've given. We've lost our sense of security and personal value in the process. And what's worse, we tend to either repeat the same mistakes of judgment over and over . . . Or else lock the doors of our hearts entirely and throw away the key. Why do we choose the wrong people to get involved with? Is it possible to change? And if so, where does one begin? Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer solid guidance for making safe choices in relationships, from friendships to romance. They help identify the nurturing people we all need in our lives, as well as ones we need to learn to avoid. Safe People will help you to recognize 20 traits of relationally untrustworthy people. Discover what makes some people relationally safe, and how to avoid unhealthy entanglements. You'll learn about things within yourself that jeopardize your relational security. And you'll find out what to do and what not to do to develop a balanced, healthy approach to relationships.

About the Author

Dr. Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times best-selling author with his books selling more than 10 million copies. As a speaker, Dr. Cloud has shared the stage with many business and global leaders and experts, such as Tony Blair, Jack Welch, Condoleezza Rice, Desmond Tutu, Malala Yousafzai, and others. In his leadership consulting practice, Dr. Cloud works with Fortune 500 companies and smaller private businesses alike. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEO's, leadership teams and executives to improve performance, leadership skills, and culture. Dr. Cloud lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.

Dr. John Townsend is a respected leadership consultant, psychologist, and New York Times bestselling author. Dr. Townsend is the founder of the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling, and conducts the Townsend Leadership program. He travels extensively for corporate consulting, speaking, and helping develop leaders and their teams. He and his wife, Barbi, have two sons, Ricky and Benny, and live in Newport Beach, California.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Zondervan; Not stated edition (November 1, 1996)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 199 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0310210844
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0310210849
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.1 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.24 x 0.47 x 7.99 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #319,097 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #2,934 in Christian Self Help
- #3,595 in Christian Personal Growth
- #6,957 in Personal Transformation Self-Help

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4.6 3,227 ratings

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John Townsend
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Dr. Henry Cloud is a popular speaker, and cohost, with Dr. John Townsend, of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His bestselling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries books and Making Small Groups Work. Dr. Cloud and his wife and two daughters live in Southern California. Dr. Henry Cloud is a popular speaker, and cohost of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His best-selling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries.
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Henry Cloud
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Dr. Cloud is a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestselling author, and his books have sold nearly 20 million copies. His leadership book, Integrity, was dubbed by the New York Times as "the best book in the bunch." In 2011, Necessary Endings was called "the most important book you read all year." His book "Boundaries For Leaders" was named by CEO Reads in the top five leadership books of its year. Dr. Cloud's work has been featured and reviewed by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Publisher's Weekly, Los Angeles Times, and many other publications. Success Magazine named Dr. Cloud in the top 25 most influential leaders in personal growth and development, alongside Oprah, Brene Brown, Seth Godin and others. He is a frequent contributor to CNN, Fox News Channel, and other national media outlets.
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In his leadership consulting practice, Dr. Cloud works with CEOs, Fortune 500 companies and smaller private businesses alike. He has an extensive executive coaching background, and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEOs, leadership teams and executives to improving performance, leadership skills, and culture. He also has a specialty in high net worth family offices.
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His experience includes three decades as a consultant, and as an entrepreneur he started and grew a successful chain of treatment centers in over 40 cities across the western United States. His experience running a business of this magnitude lends credibility to his expertise on leadership matters in the companies with which he works.As a speaker, Dr. Cloud has shared the stage with many business and global leaders and experts, such as Tony Blair, Jack Welch, Condoleezza Rice, Desmond Tutu, President George Bush, Marcus Buckingham, Magic Johnson, Peyton Manning and many others.Dr. Cloud is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, with a B.S. in psychology. He completed his Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Biola University, and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in homelessness in the inner city, as well as missions in the developing world. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy. He enjoys golf, scuba diving, boating and fishing.
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Cloud, Henry, Townsend, John
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Melissa

On a helpfulness scale, this is a 10

Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2024

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I wish Safe People were required reading in high schools, and that schools would also require a course about having healthy, safe relationships. It is so needed. I meet countless people who have crazy, chaotic relationships and life patterns, and it's sad because this shouldn't be the norm. Unhealthy and unsafe relationships kind of are the norm nowadays.

I pose this question sometimes and often can't get a good answer. When is the last time you saw a movie or television show that displayed a healthy relationship? I'm fairly certain a Hallmark film will NOT come to mind as a good example, and the average movie has the most dysfunctional relationships on display, and we learn from this. People who come out of dysfunctional households and it's been their lives, what is a healthy relationship? What do emotionally safe and healthy people do? If you ever step out of a toxic relationship into the opposite, then...you finally SEE it for what it is, and you want the different: drama-free, no chaos, no screaming, no mental gymnastics to try to figure out what a person with toxic relating skills wants (I'm not sure they even know), healthy conflict management that leads to relief and peace and not gaslighting and silent treatments. If that resonated with anyone, please save yourself a lot of trouble, and get a copy of this book.

I also wish I read this as a teenager, (I think my life would have been very different and much sooner).
This book is both helpful and life changing. If you let it do what it's supposed to, it can help you evaluate your relationships and pinpoint whether they are healthy or unsafe. Also, there can be some self-evaluation taking place (which can be tough), but mature people can look at themselves and identify things that need to change and then, make those necessary changes with God's help.

While this book is excellent for identification, it doesn't help you learn how to implement boundaries once you see that your relationship(s) may not be the healthiest and how to handle that. The next step is to look into the Boundaries books by the same authors (the Boundaries books can be general or some cover specific topics, such as dating and parenting).

I love this book. I love the impact of the changes that I made concerning relationships and the peace that came after reading this. It helped me stop a lot of patterns. This is highly, highly recommended. Both authors are psychologists, and their advice is practical, wise (in all of their books), and incredibly beneficial. This is one of those times when I would recommend a purchase. And start working on having healthy, life-giving relationships. It's not easy, but it's worth the effort.

10 people found this helpful

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Phyllis Grant

excellent!

Reviewed in the United States on March 28, 2024

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A very eye opening book! It is a great source on how to navigate in our relationships with others . A practical and Biblical approach to growing in our relationships with others, God, and ourselves. Thank you both!

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Amazon Customer

Basically fix your unsafe-ness first and then forgive others

Reviewed in the United States on February 13, 2019

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I have read many books by Dr cloud and find his writing brilliant. This book in my opinion started very well in identifying unsafe people which was fantastic. Next section was on us and if we are unsafe ourselves and how to work on ourselves to overcome this. I thought this part was fantastic too even though it’s hard to accept ones own faults and taking courage and steps to fix them is difficult. I learned a lot and loved this section as well. I didn’t like the last part of the book however it didn’t finish as strong as the book started. It sort of tells you to keep loving and giving and forgiving. Which is kinda forgetting the first two parts of the book and the reason we picked up the book in the first place. I understand the authors want us not to blame others, take responsibility, change ourself first, not to give up quick on relationships, work hard on them. But the reason most people pick up this book is that they have done most of those things and now they feel like they are stuck. I think they should have given more tools as to how to deal with unsafe people besides giving and giving and forgiving and working harder on it. I believe once you’ve done all that and no result you have to choose safe people and surround yourself with them instead. Regardless great book.. I’ll still hold on to the lessons I learned in the first two sections.
I also felt like there was a lot of redundancy and same concepts repeating over and over. Maybe because there was two authors involved. They were repeating the same concept over and over again. It’s a great read overall. I recommend it.

54 people found this helpful

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Me

Good information; easy to read; not sufficient on its own

Reviewed in the United States on January 2, 2019

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I read Boundaries by the same authors a few years back, and it made a tremendous difference in my life. I just finished Safe People tonight, and it is also a great book; I'm glad I read it. The authors write in an easy-to-read, straightforward, and relatable manner. They use examples of their own failings and lessons learned, as well as many case studies. The advice given is backed by scriptural references, albeit a bit of a stretch in certain area.
For me, what I found helpful, was getting a glimpse at what "normal" or "healthy" should look like. That will sound strange to anyone who is already coming from a healthy background, but probably resonate with anyone who isn't. I often have huge conflict over whether a scenario is a healthy situation or not -- whether I'm the perpetrator, or not. This book helped to provide some clarity and set the stage for building a healthy relationship mentality.
There are drawbacks/limits to this book, however. As some reviewers pointed out, this will not be adequate if you have been in a psychologically abusive relationship. I was in a serious relationship with someone who met the criteria laid out in this book as a "Safe Person" -- in fact, a shining example. And the church I was attending at the time was also a great example of a "Safe Church", and I was connected to people who mostly qualified as "Safe People" -- if one is checking things off the list. However, that man was an abusive liar and the church did not behave safely in the end. There's a part of me that is glad I hadn't read this book while going through that relationship, because I likely would have stayed chained to him much longer and suffered much greater damage. I would have continued to think I was the problem (as he said) and not him, and I would have caved under the pressure of my "friends" and the inaction of the church leadership. So, if you believe you are dealing with something "extra", I would go with your gut and seek out additional guidance.
A lot of the advice in this book feels exhilarating and empowering while reading it, but a few hours later I start thinking through how to actually apply it, and I feel stumped. I don't necessarily think this is a failure on the book -- there is only so much it can answer, and it does make it clear that you must seek God's wisdom and that you may need either group or individual counseling. However, a lot of the stuff seemed to be separated by hairline degrees -- and left me very confused. Especially towards the end, where the emphasis was on keeping relationships/working through them, even though they were "unsafe". Knowing myself and my history, this was really confusing and terrifying.
I would also add that if you have an additional "condition", such as in my case Autism Spectrum Disorder, you will likely not be able to fall back on the same common sense judgements as the book intends you to be able to discern.
Still glad I read it, and I do recommend it.

123 people found this helpful

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Susan

Great book

Reviewed in Canada on April 22, 2024

Verified Purchase

Great book for kids and adults alike

Mel2112

great book, professional, useful

Reviewed in Mexico on March 25, 2019

Verified Purchase

A must read for anyone looking to improve their relationships, and for anyone who has had relationship problems. it helps identify the good from the bad, including in ourselves. thumbs up book!

Grrarth

Cloud and Townsend Redeem Themselves and More

Reviewed in Australia on June 25, 2014

Verified Purchase

I read "Boundaries" about 14 years ago and saw it as a ground breaking work with a serious flaw. It had some clear ambiguities and was so "self focused" that it empowered people to not only set and enforce boundaries but to equally destroy significant relationships. Safe People goes beyond addressing these issues in a balanced and compassionate way. A must read for all who have read Boundaries.

One person found this helpful

M

An excellent guide to recognise unsafe people

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 6, 2010

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I am glad I found this book!!The language, descriptions are very clear, concise and afer initial reading I easily recognised patterns of some unsafe or truly toxic people around me.The book helped me to recognised some of these patterns in myself ,and what to do in order to get rid of them and lead more healthy, assertive life .Very helpful, insightful , positive book.!I bought additionally some books on codependency as it complements this book perfectly, Many of toxic or unsafe people come from unloving,destructive families ,and are themselves the victims of toxic parenting like myself. This book is full a good advice, solutions. It simply is A LITTLE GEM!!!It gave me a lot of confidence I lacked when dealing with toxic people.But most importantly I got finally rid of an awful feeling of guilt eating my heart away each time I tried to limit or avoid toxic people.
As a Christian , I know now that it is ok to avoid , limit or cut off completely some unhealthy people fom my life and still be ok with it.
I highly recommend this book. : )

24 people found this helpful

Danielle

Safe People Review

Reviewed in Canada on August 2, 2021

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This is such a good book! I would recommend this to everyone as it teaches anyone how we ourselves can become unsafe and what traits are unsafe. It’s such a good reminder about boundaries and how it is essential to also work on ourselves everyday.

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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't Paperback – November 1, 1996

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